To Desire Not to Covet

Yesterday, I was talking to a girlfriend, and I found myself jealous. I won't even get into the why because surely I would need a psychiatrist to analyze my mind afterward. It was for something extraordinarily petty, and what made it worse is this is a sister who is going through, so while I was comforting her over her situation, I was coveting something that in my eye didn't seem too bad.

I know, bad me.

And I use the word 'covet' above because as I was talking to her, that's the word that kept echoing in my heart. Every beat I heard, "covet."

And despite the fact I know the word means, I went to look it up. According to the American Heritage Dictionary, covet is:

To feel blameworthy desire for (that which is another's).

To wish for longingly.

See Synonyms at desire.

And when I saw the word 'desire,' I flinched. You can desire something in a wrong way, but the word has always had a positive connotation for me, not like 'covet.'

When I looked up 'desire,' I read:

To wish or long for; want.

To express a wish for; request.

So, in reading these definitions, I came to the conclusion that coveting involves the wanting of someone else's stuff; whereas, desire doesn't have to be for someone else's stuff. It can be to desire you own things.

Why do I even bring this up...and here on this blog no less?

Because in my eye, to covet is to be a "hater." One of the main components of a hater is the need to want something someone else has or to be what someone else is. The consequence of that is you hate on that person because you DON'T have what he/she has, you aren't what he/she is.

I don't want a "covet" to turn into a "hate." Hell, I don't even want a covet.

I want to desire. I want to desire good things for my life that solely belong to me. I want to desire wonderful things to be blessed upon all and not be upset because someone got something I think I might have deserved.

I want to believe fully that there's nothing no one has that I want because everything beyond what I could ever imagine is already there for me for the taking because of God.

God's not through with me yet. If I can confess the covet, confess my turn (if I'm being honest, TURNS) in front of the green-eyed monster, God can work it out of me in time.