...Plain Upon Tablets

This time next week, I will have only two final exams to write to conclude my first semester in the doctoral program, and once I'm "done" done, there will be a celebratory, reflective post here. For now, I want to talk about BEING GRATEFUL. The Monday before Thanksgiving I was battling some big-time depression, and the Monday after Thanksgiving I was talking about being done with NaNoWriMo. Totally missed out on that great Thanksgiving tradition of talking about what you're grateful for. I'm grateful (and blessed because for me they go hand-in-hand) to have a God who looks out for me when I don't look out for myself . He really is the reason I have come this far and that I can see some light at the end of this tunnel. He never let me forget (even when I tried) my intelligence and my strength. He always had just the right word to calm me. He always knew who needed to call me, or who needed to invite me to lunch to talk, or who needed to tweet me so that we coul...

"Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:19-20, NKJ) My first full day in Lubbock, a girlfriend and I went onto TTU campus and took pictures. In the distance, we saw a white guy approaching us. He slowed, smiled in our direction, waved, and kept walking by. We waved back. I saw the guy stop and tilt his head as if he were thinking about something. He turned, walked toward us, and said, "God told me I had to come back and talk to you two. He has great things in store for you both." My girlfriend and I stared at one another, smiled, and nodded. We expected this to happen. The entire drive to Lubbock and the night before we talked about my purpose for being here: the purpose beyond attending TTU. God had brought me here. There was spiritual work to be done in me here...

Life these days is hectic, fast-paced, blurred, awesome, worrisome...and many, many more adjectives. Since school started on August 27th, I have been chained to words, a plethora of words on philosophy, technology, writing, and all these words swirl in my mind in a harried pace, and most of the time, I am unable to capture the significant points of these words to make meaning. It is a daunting task. At least three times I told myself I wasn't cut out for this, and one time last week, I actually thought about bolting from a classroom as my eyes blurred with pending tears, my heart raced, and my mind whispered, "You're not smart enough to be here." And for the first time since I've moved, I had the ache of loneliness. That day, the day I almost ran from class, packed my bags, and hightailed it out of Lubbock, I got home and realized there were no siblings to crack a joke to make me laugh. There was no hug to chase a frown away. There was no "Come on now. You go...

Did you know there's humility and then there's self-loathing? I used to be one of those people who shunned every nice word from people. They would compliment me, and I would be quick to say something like, "Whatever" or I would laugh off the compliment as if the person was crazy to suggest something nice about me. Why did I do that? A few reasons... I was extremely shy, and I hated any form of attention to be on me. I truly did not know how to respond, and yes, I know all about THANK YOU, but..yeah...I'm weird. I didn't want to take the shine away from God because without him, I cease to be. I wasn't being humble. I was self-loathing. I was not validating the positive traits I possess, traits that God has infused me with and that I have , through the choices I make in this life, enhanced. And despite how badly I have disserviced God and myself, he has still done a very quick work in me and my life. Just recently, I realized how quick God has come to my res...

I'm crying. Which, in and of itself, is nothing new. I'm an emotional person. At church, I was called "The Cryer." These days, my emotions stem from one important thing: I'm moving. In 11 days, I will be packing up my girlfriend's car, and she and I will be taking the 11+ hour trek to Lubbock, Texas, where she will stay a few days to get me acclimated and then I will be ALONE. The alone part doesn't bother me too much. Been craving silence. Separation for awhile now after playing Mom for siblings for years and not having the space to pray, cry, scream, speak in tongues, everything like I feel. The move part, however, is taking its toll. In a way, I've been a wanderer most of my life. To avoid family troubles and to, in a way, run away from myself, I've lived in Chicago and Jersey and Louisiana. Chicago and Jersey were short stints, but here in Louisiana, I made a life . I've lived here for eight years. I licked the wounds of losing m...

When I moved to Lake Charles, Louisiana, eight years ago from Baltimore, I had about $50 on me, some clothes, and an apartment waiting for me to move into. I arrived in Lake Charles having no clothes because the bus lost them, and then everything that could break down in the apartment did - from refrigerator to air conditioner (and it was 100 degrees with 100% humidity when I arrived). For about a week, I was beyond depressed and quickly wondered why in the hell I was in this town. Though I went to bed that first night hot and in tears, I went to bed on a bed, for there was a bed and a dining set already in the apartment, and I was blessed to have them. That blessing couldn't compare to how I felt two days ago when I learned I was approved for the apartment in Texas. For weeks, I had been worrying about it because of the credit check. Was so sure something would happen to thwart my advances. Friends and family kept telling me God don't take back; He GIVES. He gave me Texas...

Then the LORD answered me and said: Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry. Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; But the just shall live by his faith. Habakkuk 2:2-4 Throughout the course of a lifetime, we go on many journeys. I know I have. Not enough fingers and toes to list every journey that makes up my life. These journeys cause us to question every action, to make choices, to follow paths, to make mistakes, to accomplish goals, to - inevitably - be changed as a result of each journey. In less than two months, I will begin a journey, a new phase in my life, and the preparation for it began a little over a year ago, at a time when I was tired and done with a lot of things in my life; I was sure my life was placed on serious hold. I wanted to be a published ...