...Plain Upon Tablets

I received some news today. The stage was set for it three weeks ago, and today confirmed it. I have diabetes. Out of all illnesses you can get, diabetes has been #1 on my Please, Dear God, not that  list my whole life. I've had great aunts and uncles that had it and saw some of the more extreme effects of it, and wanted nothing to do with it, ever. Three weeks ago, blood work results came back. Sugar was pretty high. My doctor decided to schedule more blood work within a two to three-week span of time. I had that done this past Friday. Today, after smiling and talking with my bestie about my good talk with my dissertation chair, after declaring the completion of my dissertation, after excitedly telling bestie of new writing project; the call came. About the norm in a roller coaster life in which at 1:59 you can be on Cloudy Infinity and at 1:59:10, you can hear the thud and the crack of bones as you fall back to earth. Doctor told me the number was lower, but that...

It's hard. Letting God navigate. You want so hard to be in control, to fix everything, to make everything perfect. It's like you don't even know the truth: nobody is perfect. It's been one of those things I've been learning this semester. Nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect. Things will happen. I'll want to give up. People will try to make me feel better. I will not listen to them. God will help me even when I don't feel like being helped. Repeat. And repeat, and repeat, and repeat. These days, God has plenty of reasons to not be happy with me. For one thing, I haven't been going to church faithfully, and even though I'm not the person to hang my faith on weekly church amen , I do enjoy going to church. Life has just been so hectic, so crazy that my sleeping schedule has been off and come Saturday night, I'm trying to justify getting up early to do work instead of going to church. Yeah, it's been that bad. The last several months have b...