...Plain Upon Tablets

(even if my brain needs to get on board): release fear. release worry. release every negative thing (physical and mental) that threatens to drown you, and rest, rest fully, rest completely on the father because he never fails, and he will fight the battles as long as you keep moving forward and keep doing what HE tells you, not the world, not your mind, not your emotions, not your circumstances.

Yes. It's been awhile. I've been beyond swamped with the 50-11 things I give myself to do: school, editing, writing, and many more things I'm just too tired to even bring up. I've wanted to write, really. It's been very cathartic to sit here every Monday and let words rush out of me that reveal my heart and my feelings instead of something that's purely academic. But when you write so much and spend so much time working on other projects, the thought of sitting before the laptop to write one more thing can be the breaking point. I didn't want to break. Well, I'm about three weeks away from completing my first year of doctoral work--more on that in later posts. Haven't really taken the time to sit, to reflect, to pat self on back for a job well done yet. Besides, got GRADES still to receive for this semester! Like I said above, I've been busy--with stuff. Last night at church, the pastor preached a message that struck me right in the center of m...

I do love Chrisette Michele's song, "Epiphany," but I use a line of her song as title because yesterday, something came to me suddenly: an epiphany. For just a split second, I was sitting at my laptop, having full-blown angst over trying to get my mind, my energy to focus on something, anything, when I got quiet. It was no longer than a minute. But I didn't hear the TV. I wasn't thinking. It was full, complete silence. And in that one-minute of silence, I heard one sentence: Nothing inspires me . And I tilted my head to the side, thought about the sentence and said, "That's it." Since the new year, there has been a change in me. I would argue the "change" started months before this, but I felt its presence strongly after the new year. But I didn't see it as me being uninspired. I saw it as issues with me. I was very depressed in January, and I spent a great deal of time being mad at myself for feeling the way I did. I struggled with tho...

I have to be honest. I did NOT think I would be here on the other side. The other side of what? Victory. And it's not that I didn't trust God. I didn't trust myself. I didn't think I had the energy to read one more article, to synthesize one more book, to write one more word. To think. To anything. I just KNEW I didn't have the power. There were many times when I just said, "Forget this mess. OK, let me tuck tail and go home." But I didn't. And I don't get all the glory. I don't even get all the victory. I know for a fact that it was God who carried me through this darkness, this new foreign place (in so many ways for me). It was God who didn't hate on me because my attendance at church slowed while I got lost in the forest of academia and could not find my way back out. It was God who whispered in my ear, Keep typing , or who told my body, "Don't listen to that girl anymore. Go to bed. She'll be OK." And even though I cri...

"Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:19-20, NKJ) My first full day in Lubbock, a girlfriend and I went onto TTU campus and took pictures. In the distance, we saw a white guy approaching us. He slowed, smiled in our direction, waved, and kept walking by. We waved back. I saw the guy stop and tilt his head as if he were thinking about something. He turned, walked toward us, and said, "God told me I had to come back and talk to you two. He has great things in store for you both." My girlfriend and I stared at one another, smiled, and nodded. We expected this to happen. The entire drive to Lubbock and the night before we talked about my purpose for being here: the purpose beyond attending TTU. God had brought me here. There was spiritual work to be done in me here...