...Plain Upon Tablets

It's been awhile since I've last posted. The summer was full of academic work (can we say read, digest, write annotated bibliographies, repeat?) and with trying to get self back into the creative writing swing of things. There is something else I've been doing this summer, and it's why I was call to post today. I've been getting uber doses of faith--online. Actually within the virtual world Second Life. Hold on - don't think I have lost my mind because I haven't. IRL (in real life), I pray, worship, sing, and dance for the Lord. Makes sense that in other spaces where my identity is present I might choose to do the same thing, right? Last spring, my RL best friend (who is also my partner-in-crime on Second Life) told me about Overcomers, a church in Second Life; it is also a church IRL, and actually many real-life churches are moving their faith and their churches into virtual spaces, too. The first time I went to Overcomers, I was moved in the spirit

Actually, you always  have to go off on the devil. That fool is ignorant, sneaky, unfaithful, uncaring, always looking for a way to sneak up deep inside your mind, your heart, your soul, your very essence and being to destroy anything beautiful that has  gone on in your life, that is  going on in your life, and that will  go on in your life. It's just how he operates, and he's not changing. Ever. So what does that mean? That means that we  have to do the changing. We have to stand in the mess of a situation we are in, stand with a firm, straight back, a determined mind, a strong voice and declare what  our life will be and what it is  because we are kicking the devil fully to the curb. But sometimes, we let situations and feelings collect as the days go on, and we don't acknowledge what the devil is doing. We don't let him know that we know he's up to no good. We don't tell that fool to keep on stepping because we are not the ones to be messed with. We just

They say that behind every great man there is a great woman. I really think that saying is beside every great woman is a great sister who always comes with the straight, no chaser advice, warm hugs, and a ready-to-take-on-all-challengers stance when things get a little sticky. Every woman can recall at least that one sister—from birth or from another mother—who has been there to listen to her frustrations over a relationship, her aggravation over a job, her devastation over a loss, and her infuriation over being done wrong. And she can recall that sister railing with her over her man and then getting real to show her where she went wrong. She can recall the friend telling her to look for another job, to find something that will make her happy and keep her living well. She can recall sistergirl sharing tissues with her as they both cry over the emptiness she feels at having lost someone. She can recall sistergirl saying, “OK, where’s my Vaseline and sneakers?” when it time to crack

I. Am. Tired. This is a major truth for me these days. I am physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, socially, spiritually (every "-ally" you can find) tired. The month of May was one in which so many things took place, ending in an ultimate pain and sadness that I know will take awhile to deal with. I dealt with the end of a semester that was painful and wrong on a few levels, I dealt with my first May Seminar class, which started right as the painfully wrong semester was ending, I dealt with pressures of a personal online project I took on and that kept me stressed, and I dealt with learning that my father was gravely ill and eventually had passed. Some might wonder why I would put my dad last on this list. Surely he was more important than everything else, and this is true. But what the above is, is a culmination of pain, stress, and exhaustion that exploded with the death of my father. During May, I didn't go to church. Didn't once open my bible. And I

We know her. On the outside, she is a woman that most men want and most women envy. She's the "everything's great, but..." woman. You know. She's beautiful. She has a great job. She has great friends. She has a great family. She has a great home. She has a great car. Her future is so blindingly bright your retinas can sear just trying to imagine what her future looks like. And when she smiles that toothpaste-commercial smile, it makes her whole universe that much brighter. But the smile is fake. A woman like this can't afford to let everyone know what's really going on in her world. Because everything's great, but... ...she's not happy. And she's usually not happy because of some man. Sometimes, she has everything BUT the man, and she goes home to all her wonderful things and feels empty and lonely. And sometimes, she has everything AND the man, and when the two are together, people are that much more jealous of her because she appears to have

One thing kept me fairly sane throughout the month of April - a month where crunch time is in full effect and plenty of major projects are coming due: working on my script for Script Frenzy [ LINK ]. Although I'm nowhere near DONE with the script [and much cutting is in my future with it], I did manage to cross the 100-page mark needed to win Script Frenzy! I'm really proud of myself because it's the first time I've written creatively since November with NaNoWriMo [ LINK ], and it's the first time in about 9 months in which I've written something that I actually want to go back to and edit and revise and submit. Below is an excerpt for the screenplay, the screenplay of NO NAME. LOL It will have a title some day, but the one I originally had, Hell's Angel , doesn't really fit the story or character any more. Remember, this is a VERY ROUGH, haven't looked at it at ALL draft of the script. LOL Judge accordingly if you must judge. Here's a quick syn

Yes. It's been awhile. I've been beyond swamped with the 50-11 things I give myself to do: school, editing, writing, and many more things I'm just too tired to even bring up. I've wanted to write, really. It's been very cathartic to sit here every Monday and let words rush out of me that reveal my heart and my feelings instead of something that's purely academic. But when you write so much and spend so much time working on other projects, the thought of sitting before the laptop to write one more thing can be the breaking point. I didn't want to break. Well, I'm about three weeks away from completing my first year of doctoral work--more on that in later posts. Haven't really taken the time to sit, to reflect, to pat self on back for a job well done yet. Besides, got GRADES still to receive for this semester! Like I said above, I've been busy--with stuff. Last night at church, the pastor preached a message that struck me right in the center of m

It’s been about a year since I’ve been in a classroom as a teacher. With the heavy course load I have my first year of doctoral work, I can’t say I’m overly sad to not be a teacher. But today, I miss it. Why? I miss the students like me that I saw walking into the classroom. Every semester there was a handful, and while teaching underprepared and underrepresented students through the Louisiana Academy for Innovative Teaching and Learning (LAITL) program at McNeese State University, I saw many students just. like. me. I was a first-generation student, which meant I had no one in my family to help me through the process of applying to schools, of applying for financial aid, of starting school, and most importantly, of staying in school. I was fairly smart in high school; I had a lot going for me besides book smarts, such as singing (initially, going into undergrad, I wanted to major in music, become an opera singer, and then a music teacher) and sports (loved softball, soccer, and lax)

I do love Chrisette Michele's song, "Epiphany," but I use a line of her song as title because yesterday, something came to me suddenly: an epiphany. For just a split second, I was sitting at my laptop, having full-blown angst over trying to get my mind, my energy to focus on something, anything, when I got quiet. It was no longer than a minute. But I didn't hear the TV. I wasn't thinking. It was full, complete silence. And in that one-minute of silence, I heard one sentence: Nothing inspires me . And I tilted my head to the side, thought about the sentence and said, "That's it." Since the new year, there has been a change in me. I would argue the "change" started months before this, but I felt its presence strongly after the new year. But I didn't see it as me being uninspired. I saw it as issues with me. I was very depressed in January, and I spent a great deal of time being mad at myself for feeling the way I did. I struggled with tho

Last week, I talked about the Forward March . This "movement" is a bit different. This one is about the movement that keeps your body at its optimal level, that keeps your feeling good, that keeps your healthier. Before I came to Lubbock in August '09, I was on the road to better movement. I exercised three, four times a week. I drank less coffee. I drank less soda. I drank more water. I cut a lot of fast food, fried foods from my diet. And it showed. Not only was my cholesterol levels getting back to normal, but I was also losing weight. Was even able to purchase jeans two sizes smaller than the ones I had worn in what felt like forever. And then I moved. Have you ever heard of the Freshman 10? Freshman 15 (probably now the Freshman 20!)? It's the theory (very loose theory) that when a freshman goes off to college, he or she (usually she) will probably gain about 10, 15 pounds. Well, I'm here to tell you that not only is this theory true (for me anyway), but it a

I have a good author-friend named Fon James whose latest novel is titled Forward March . I remember doing editorial work on the novel for Fon last year, and when I read the title, I smiled. Each word in that title illustrates a movement, and every time I read the words, I think about my life and where it's going or not going and how, at the end of the day, it's about the Forward March. Even when insanity brews in your life, you have to forward march . Yes, there is time to stand still, to deal with the insanity, to listen to God and have him aid you in your movement, but the result is always about the forward march . It's funny how the mind works. I wasn't sure what I would mention here today. I wasn't sure I would mention anything. My life over the past week has been pretty uneventful, and to be honest, I've been having a fluctuating mood--moving from pure happiness or abysmal sadness in the matter of minutes, and I wasn't really in the mood to talk about i

First full week of school kicked off last week. I'm excited, nervous about the semester. I'm excited because every class I'm taking will provide a practical benefit almost immediately to me. For example, my grants/proposal class will enable me to submit a proposal to a conference, to develop a proposal for a non-profit organization, and to develop an academic or industry proposal...with a purpose . Last semester was heavy in theory, in the foundation, the understanding of all the things we will be doing. It got very tedious, very fast with the mounds upon mounds of words to read and dear God, try to understand in order to articulate a fairly intelligent response. I've always been good at doing . Not to say I'm bad at thinking and understanding , but if you give me a task, the task will get done , and usually, done well . So though there is a lot of work to be done this semester, the act of doing is right up my alley. Having said this, the first week, week and a ha

Earlier today, I was trying to get up the energy to leave the house and run some errands when my baby bro called. I plopped onto the sofa and chatted with him about his new license and his need for insurance for his new-old car. After the conversation ended, I remained on the sofa, kneeling upon it, arms resting on one of the sofa arms, just being. Then I saw it. The bible. It sat on the end table. Dust laid on its cover. It had been awhile since I had opened it. Though I felt something jump within me when I saw it, I wasn't sure I wanted to touch it. I always got this way when I was depressed. For nearly three weeks, I have been battling depression, and every day, the anxiety and issues that come from it have increased. I've battled depression most of my life though it wasn't 'til about nine years ago that I was diagnosed with clinical depression (or Major Depressive Disorder , specifically Atypical Depression . I went through three years of psychotherapy and the takin

Happy New Year, Everyone! I've been on (and still am on) vacay, so I was away from the blog, but I plan to get back into the swing of things - especially with me going back to Lubbock at the end of the week and with school starting next week. If you follow me on any of the social watering holes like Twitter {I'm HERE }, Facebook {and HERE }, and MySpace {and HERE , too!}, you know that the semester ended pretty well for me. Despite my issues and wishes to flee Lubbock for Lake Charles, I finished the semester with great grades and even a few papers that sparked me into General Dissertation Thoughts. Always a good thing. The biggest thing I learned over this semester was if I could succeed when I felt so overwhelmed, so unstructured, so unprepared, so un-everything, then with more organization and preparation (and heavy, heavy doses of God and prayers), I can shoot for beyond the stars. I'm nervous and excited about the new semester. Why? Well, though I'm happy to be tak