No, sorry, it's not THAT kind of party. I just knew the title would get you here.
The post IS about stripping, however, so sit back, have a read, and learn a bit more about me.
I do believe things happen for a reason, so I should have known that reading a post about "dying to self" from fellow author and Tag Team Sister in Christ Tracey Michae'l Lewis-Giggetts would propel me into my own dying episode.
Yesterday was a bad day for me. A lot of things in my life are coming to head. Recently, I compared it to an abscess, this growing pocket of pus that's so ready to be popped so that the poison can drain away, the pain can subside, and things can be made well.
I went to sleep with a heavy heart and woke up tired, battered, and a little bruised. I went to Facebook on my phone and saw I had a response on a quote I posted the day before by poet Gwendolyn Brooks: "I am a writer perhaps because I am not a talker."
A friend of mine, jokingly (kind of - lol) replied, "uhhh--You? Not a talker? I never noticed you having that problem! ;-)"
I took the time, while still in bed, to voice the following response: "... that was only because I took a liking to ya that I spoke, lol. And that God has a funny way of making me look normal than I really am, lol. Inside, I'm usually loathing that I have to speak."
Almost instantly, I paused. Something didn't sound right about what I had written although it was exactly what I believed and what I wanted to write.
A thought popped into my head, and I voiced it on Facebook:
I just wrote about how God has a funny way of making me look like I'm a good conversationalist and speaker when secretly I hate speaking in public. But perhaps maybe it's not about God being funny but about me being fearful of speaking in public and how I feel I am perceived that's the problem--especially when I've received nothing but praise for this act in the past. Food for thought for me this morning...on a lot about how I think of me.
How did I come to think that God was the funny one? LOL Seriously. I'm flawed. He isn't. I'm riddled with fear, insecurities, too many years of low self-esteem, and this constant (though I am working on all these things) need to make EVERYONE around me OK with me. He isn't. Perhaps, I'm the funny one because I allow my fleshy human self to believe that what I think about myself is true and God just likes to joke. Maybe I'm the funny one because even though I've read and I believe that I'm the head and not the tail, that I will soar on wings like eagles, that I will run and not grow weary, that I will walk and not be faint, that the Lord will prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies and anoint my head with oil, that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me ... I haven't walked the walk of these beliefs.
I haven't stripped myself bare of myself, of this fleshy human that truly believes I know what's what ... that in the end it is I that knows everything there is to know about me, so surely others -- to include God -- are the funny ones when they try to present me in a manner that doesn't equal what I see when I look in the mirror, when I think of myself.
Just from this one quote, response, and my response; I have gotten this little, precious nugget of truth: I am greater than what I think I am. Now, this has nothing to do with pride. I'm not being boastful. I'm not patting self on the back so hard that I flip over. Ask anyone that knows me: it's hard for me to be that full of myself.
It's just that for the first time in a long time, the veil I've placed on me was removed. In an instant, I was stripped bare of my insecurities and my Shonell-made truths and saw THE truth: I'm great. There are things to be loved and admired about me. I'm worth more than I think I am. I am fantabulous. And it's OK to think it. And it's OK to SAY it. And it's OK to DECLARE it, and God would have it no other way.
How am I to receive the abundance he has for me ... or better yet, to REALIZE that I'm receiving the abundance and not let it pass me by if I don't strip myself before him and let HIS truth be known about me?
The post IS about stripping, however, so sit back, have a read, and learn a bit more about me.
I do believe things happen for a reason, so I should have known that reading a post about "dying to self" from fellow author and Tag Team Sister in Christ Tracey Michae'l Lewis-Giggetts would propel me into my own dying episode.
Yesterday was a bad day for me. A lot of things in my life are coming to head. Recently, I compared it to an abscess, this growing pocket of pus that's so ready to be popped so that the poison can drain away, the pain can subside, and things can be made well.
I went to sleep with a heavy heart and woke up tired, battered, and a little bruised. I went to Facebook on my phone and saw I had a response on a quote I posted the day before by poet Gwendolyn Brooks: "I am a writer perhaps because I am not a talker."
A friend of mine, jokingly (kind of - lol) replied, "uhhh--You? Not a talker? I never noticed you having that problem! ;-)"
I took the time, while still in bed, to voice the following response: "... that was only because I took a liking to ya that I spoke, lol. And that God has a funny way of making me look normal than I really am, lol. Inside, I'm usually loathing that I have to speak."
Almost instantly, I paused. Something didn't sound right about what I had written although it was exactly what I believed and what I wanted to write.
A thought popped into my head, and I voiced it on Facebook:
I just wrote about how God has a funny way of making me look like I'm a good conversationalist and speaker when secretly I hate speaking in public. But perhaps maybe it's not about God being funny but about me being fearful of speaking in public and how I feel I am perceived that's the problem--especially when I've received nothing but praise for this act in the past. Food for thought for me this morning...on a lot about how I think of me.
How did I come to think that God was the funny one? LOL Seriously. I'm flawed. He isn't. I'm riddled with fear, insecurities, too many years of low self-esteem, and this constant (though I am working on all these things) need to make EVERYONE around me OK with me. He isn't. Perhaps, I'm the funny one because I allow my fleshy human self to believe that what I think about myself is true and God just likes to joke. Maybe I'm the funny one because even though I've read and I believe that I'm the head and not the tail, that I will soar on wings like eagles, that I will run and not grow weary, that I will walk and not be faint, that the Lord will prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies and anoint my head with oil, that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me ... I haven't walked the walk of these beliefs.
I haven't stripped myself bare of myself, of this fleshy human that truly believes I know what's what ... that in the end it is I that knows everything there is to know about me, so surely others -- to include God -- are the funny ones when they try to present me in a manner that doesn't equal what I see when I look in the mirror, when I think of myself.
Just from this one quote, response, and my response; I have gotten this little, precious nugget of truth: I am greater than what I think I am. Now, this has nothing to do with pride. I'm not being boastful. I'm not patting self on the back so hard that I flip over. Ask anyone that knows me: it's hard for me to be that full of myself.
It's just that for the first time in a long time, the veil I've placed on me was removed. In an instant, I was stripped bare of my insecurities and my Shonell-made truths and saw THE truth: I'm great. There are things to be loved and admired about me. I'm worth more than I think I am. I am fantabulous. And it's OK to think it. And it's OK to SAY it. And it's OK to DECLARE it, and God would have it no other way.
How am I to receive the abundance he has for me ... or better yet, to REALIZE that I'm receiving the abundance and not let it pass me by if I don't strip myself before him and let HIS truth be known about me?
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