I received some news today.
The stage was set for it three weeks ago, and today confirmed it.
I have diabetes.
Out of all illnesses you can get, diabetes has been #1 on my Please, Dear God, not that list my whole life. I've had great aunts and uncles that had it and saw some of the more extreme effects of it, and wanted nothing to do with it, ever.
Three weeks ago, blood work results came back. Sugar was pretty high. My doctor decided to schedule more blood work within a two to three-week span of time.
I had that done this past Friday.
Today, after smiling and talking with my bestie about my good talk with my dissertation chair, after declaring the completion of my dissertation, after excitedly telling bestie of new writing project; the call came.
About the norm in a roller coaster life in which at 1:59 you can be on Cloudy Infinity and at 1:59:10, you can hear the thud and the crack of bones as you fall back to earth.
Doctor told me the number was lower, but that didn't negate the fact that I had diabetes. She told me she was putting in a prescription... and that I would need to start monitoring my blood sugar and we'd talk more about that this week.
Three weeks ago, when I learned my sugar was high, as soon as the doctor informed me and then stepped out the room to get something, I cried and got depressed. I've been lamenting over this ever since. So, I've had my time for the pity party.
Today, I wasn't crying. I wasn't depressed. After telling my mom, then venting and laughing with her, I told her, "You know, I think this is the last argument for change." When she asked me what I meant, I told her that for years God has told me I needed to change. I needed a Change Overhaul, if you will. I'd been wanting to focus on my own writing for the longest, but never made the change. I had wanted to add a component to the work I do as editor, but never made the change. I had wanted to exercise more, but never fully made the change. I had wanted to eat less, but I'm an emotional eater and found food, my entire life, to be my #1 comfort, so I never made the change. I could keep going; there is a list of things I should have been changed, but for whatever reasons I managed to fashion in this head of mine, I never did them.
And now... this news has given me a wake-up call.
So many necessary changes will come, hell, have started already, and all of them will lead to a better, healthier, happier me.
Instead of focusing on the illness and having weekly pity parties about it, I choose to roll up my sleeves and dig in to this thing I call my life and restructure, restrengthen, and renew it so that I'm here for the very long haul.
Comments
Post a Comment