Being Born Again: Birthday Remix

A year ago today, I couldn't see anything positive in my life.

I was another year older, I was in a job that would end within a year's time, my writing (it seemed) was still going nowhere, I was ready to branch off on my own again but didn't have the means to do it, I was thinking about pursuing my Ph.D. (and had every notion TO apply); but was worried about if I would get in, and a host of other negative issues.

To top the negative pile off, Hurricane Ike decided to pop in around 1 a.m. on September 13th, blackening our home and leaving us without electricity for several days.

To say I was miserable would be an understatement.

It was hard for me then to realize that everything would come to pass and that I would be OK.

A year later, I am OK. I'm actually more than OK. I'm BLESSED beyond measure.

Through God's grace and his strength permeating through me, I kept moving - one foot in front of the other - until I walked out of that hurricane, I walked out of my job, I walked out of my publishing fears, I walked out of my relationship woes, I walked out of everything that tried to fill me with dread and disarm me, and kept moving to the next phase of my life.

I truly feel like I'm a new being - as if God's granted me a new birth. It's hard for me to look back over the last year of my life.

Not because I'm sad or it hurts me, however.

It's because I hardly remember the year. It's all a fantastical blur of forward movement, accomplishments, obstacles, and achievement to reach the place I'm in now. A place in which I'm feeling myself as a SELF. I see me for me and not me connected to others who might influence what I like and don't like.

What does that mean?

Well, the art of buying things for my home is an example. I don't have to ask others what they like; there's no need for a discussion. I know what I like, and I buy it.

The food I buy is different; I hardly eat meat anymore, choosing more healthier options because - quite frankly - it's cheaper to buy healthy when it's just one person and not an entire household.

I pray more because I have the space to fully be me as a praying person.

I emote more because I don't have to worry about anyone's thoughts or worries about me while doing so.

I feel more because I'm not cloaked in others' misery or sadness, which kept my feelings bound inside, twirling and festering.

I am more because where I am now is not where I was before and because it's where God wants me to be.

Don't think any birthday gift could be better than that.