Did you know there's humility and then there's self-loathing?
I used to be one of those people who shunned every nice word from people. They would compliment me, and I would be quick to say something like, "Whatever" or I would laugh off the compliment as if the person was crazy to suggest something nice about me.
Why did I do that? A few reasons...
And despite how badly I have disserviced God and myself, he has still done a very quick work in me and my life.
Just recently, I realized how quick God has come to my rescue. Yes, I waited (patiently and impatiently) for him to come with things, just like everybody else, but Lord, when he came, he came hard, fast, and repeatedly.
Just two months ago, I hadn't been behind a wheel, I didn't have much to take with me to Lubbock, I was used to be complacent, in being in the life I had "made" for myself for the last eight years.
And in just two months, God got me behind the wheel, and I passed the driving test. God provided for me for those first couple of weeks when I had nothing. God gave in abundance, allowing me to not only lease my very first car, but to drive said car in a new city, a new state. Even with my jitters from being a new driver, he continues to put me behind the wheel and teach me how to be independent and how to get through issues that arise - like running over a bumper in a parking lot (and scaring the mess out of myself), getting my first parking citation (thanks TTU!), and having to go to an auto shop to get my tire pressure checked.
God wanted to equip me with the means to take care of myself, to get where I needed to go, and to be able to get where HE needed me to go to help spread his message on earth.
The last few days, I've been thinking a lot about ego, about arrogance, about confidence.
Why?
Because I've been feeling like a "bad mutha." Every day, I feel closer to being the woman God wants me to be, I feel happier with my decisions. I even feel good about the pains and trips and falls I've experienced because I'm finding solutions in ways the old me would have never considered out of fear and insecurity.
Believe me, it's not my ego or any form of arrogance that has me smiling and thinking my stuff don't stink.
I know, just like I know I'm breathing now and typing this blog that God is the reason for all the changes in my life, and just knowing that makes me feel so unbelievably blessed that there are no words, no emotions high enough, no actions that could ever convey my happiness or my thanks for having such a loving Father.
I used to be one of those people who shunned every nice word from people. They would compliment me, and I would be quick to say something like, "Whatever" or I would laugh off the compliment as if the person was crazy to suggest something nice about me.
Why did I do that? A few reasons...
- I was extremely shy, and I hated any form of attention to be on me.
- I truly did not know how to respond, and yes, I know all about THANK YOU, but..yeah...I'm weird.
- I didn't want to take the shine away from God because without him, I cease to be.
And despite how badly I have disserviced God and myself, he has still done a very quick work in me and my life.
Just recently, I realized how quick God has come to my rescue. Yes, I waited (patiently and impatiently) for him to come with things, just like everybody else, but Lord, when he came, he came hard, fast, and repeatedly.
Just two months ago, I hadn't been behind a wheel, I didn't have much to take with me to Lubbock, I was used to be complacent, in being in the life I had "made" for myself for the last eight years.
And in just two months, God got me behind the wheel, and I passed the driving test. God provided for me for those first couple of weeks when I had nothing. God gave in abundance, allowing me to not only lease my very first car, but to drive said car in a new city, a new state. Even with my jitters from being a new driver, he continues to put me behind the wheel and teach me how to be independent and how to get through issues that arise - like running over a bumper in a parking lot (and scaring the mess out of myself), getting my first parking citation (thanks TTU!), and having to go to an auto shop to get my tire pressure checked.
God wanted to equip me with the means to take care of myself, to get where I needed to go, and to be able to get where HE needed me to go to help spread his message on earth.
The last few days, I've been thinking a lot about ego, about arrogance, about confidence.
Why?
Because I've been feeling like a "bad mutha." Every day, I feel closer to being the woman God wants me to be, I feel happier with my decisions. I even feel good about the pains and trips and falls I've experienced because I'm finding solutions in ways the old me would have never considered out of fear and insecurity.
Believe me, it's not my ego or any form of arrogance that has me smiling and thinking my stuff don't stink.
I know, just like I know I'm breathing now and typing this blog that God is the reason for all the changes in my life, and just knowing that makes me feel so unbelievably blessed that there are no words, no emotions high enough, no actions that could ever convey my happiness or my thanks for having such a loving Father.
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