Devil's truth: Black Women Can't Get Along
In my life, there was a time I didn't believe this. Then, there was a stretch of time that I did believe this. And now, I'm back where I started; let me explain.
I fully believed black women could get along. I had a long list of black women, in my family and friends and with working environments, who were there for me, lending an ear, offering a hug, giving advice that turned out to be the thing I needed to hear. And even though I always heard conversations about how black women were catty, and mean, and self-focused, and back-biting, I never believed it because I had PROOF to the contrary.
And then I entered graduate school ~ won't even say which one, and you guys know it's been many, LOL
I met a black female professor who offered to take me under her wing my first semester, to show me the ropes. "We have to look out for one another, you know" was the essence of her words, her actions.
And I was happy because I assumed this would be another black woman I could add to a long list of supportive black women.
But things turned bad quickly, and by the end of my first semester - after I had put together a conference, took over classes when needed, and did a million other things for her as an independent study student - I received a C and was dismissed from the school (needed As or Bs to stay in the program). Went as high up on the chain as I could possibly go and still, no one listened. I was let loose.
This one instance washed away all the good black women from my list. I tried to get past it, but shortly thereafter, I ran into other altercations with black women who seemingly wanted to help me or forge alliances only to betray me, stab me in the back, and leave me wounded.
Was I bitter? Hell yes. Was I angry? Most definitely, and it showed as I decided to just stay away from most people and keep to myself.
The devil had won out. He had managed to take something good and mar it, and I was letting him by not going back to my list and showing him my PROOF.
But God has a way of working his way into you when you think you've turned yourself off from the world. He introduced me to strong, confident, self-assured black women who were great in their own right but also wanted to connect with other great women to empower.
He introduced me to my best friend, he introduced me to women - both online and off - who would become like sisters to me...physically and spiritually.
One of strong black women is Tiffany Phillips. When I first met her, I didn't like her, and she tells everyone this story! I had already pegged her as a black women set on self and ready to trample others in her path, but I had to work with her on a project. I couldn't run from her.
In spending time with Tiff, I learned that first impressions aren't always the best. You don't get to see what's inside of a person. What matters to her. And through our working together, I learned she was a giving, loving, supportive, G0d-fearing woman who would give you whatever you needed if she had it.
She reconnected me with church. She was there when I was baptized. She encouraged me to grow and go deeper in my faith walk. She rallied behind me when I was treated unfairly and shook the pom poms when God things began to happen in my life. She drove me the 12 hours to Lubbock, a drive which was full of good talk, revelation, love, and sisterhood. She made this journey to Lubbock less fearful. She made me excited during times fear, anxiety, and doubt weighed heavily on me. She prophesied over me. She woke me up early in the morning about dreams she had of me and allowed me to share my fears.
She's been a wonderful black woman in my life, and because of her and countless others that God has placed in my life over the last few years, I can say, "The devil is a liar. Not everyone is going to be to our liken, but that is no reason to cast a whole lot away. There are good people, no matter the race, the sex, and when it's your time, God will place those people in your life and restore your faith."
And it's my time. And God has kept his promise.
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