Healing Power

Recently, God has me buying a lot of things - faith-based things. Books. CDs. DVDs. I know he's getting me ready for something, and I thank him for the preparation.

Today, I received Kenneth & Gloria Copeland's Healing & Wellness: Your 10-Day Spiritual Action Plan. There's a praise CD, a healing CD, and a sermon-laden DVD...in addition to daily readings and journal writing activities.

For each day, there is a morning devotional time and an evening devotional time, which I love because it encompasses my entire day with God.

Today was DAY ONE.

The purpose of this blog site is for me to chronicle my journey into new phases of my life...to, in essence, be bare so that I can see the flaws, learn to love them, and learn to keep on moving on to the wonderful life God has in store for me.

I thought it appropriate considering this was day one of this spiritual action plan to start by being bare, so...

This is a recent pic of me - bathed, sans makeup or anything that could "doll" me up. When I first saw this pic, I actually loved it (still do). There was something about the rawness, the untouched image that made me feel real. Straight no chaser? Definitely.

I want my insides to be as bare as this picture feels to me, and on day one of the spiritual action plan, I can already feel things taking shape.

You know what I realized today?

I hardly ever connected healing with God. Salvation, yes. Healing, no. I know that because I believe in God and because Jesus is my Lord and Savior and because I repent and because I work hard to walk the path God has placed before me, I am saved.

But I never once thought about Am I healed.

And I mean all the "heals" - spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically...

My faith has been very perfunctory, very single-minded. Faith=Salvation

And today, I realized I want Faith=Healing Wholly + Salvation

I have never dealt with spiritual health because I was only focused on salvation.

I have dealt with emotional health by going to a counselor in the past.

I have dealt with mental health by taking medication in the past.

I have dealt with physical health by seeing a doctor and taking medication.

But rarely have I ever, for example, looked at various parts Matthew 8, read it, and believed that the Lord's grace is immediate and far-reaching and just by believing, I can be healed and can be made to heal others.

Yes, counselors, doctors, and medication are necessary; however, to discount that the end of the thing (illness, disease, etc.) can be made done by God is to do yourself and your health a major disservice.

I've been clinically depressed most of my life but wasn't diagnosed until I was 30. About a year or so before turning 30, I felt the breakdown coming to pass. My erratic behavior, compulsions, major mood swings, fear, anything negative slowly built in me and then... the breakdown.

I was suicidal (not for the first, second, third, or fourth time), and for the first time in my life, a relative (my mother) suggested I see someone, so I did. After all, I was over a 1,000 miles away from anyone who loved me and was so alone. I needed an ear.

My counselor was wonderful. She was a Christian counselor and immediately began using faith in our sessions, but I wasn't ready to receive it. Was still battling with God and his Son.

I was on medication, and it with the therapy helped me greatly. After three years of psychotherapy, I was deemed "good to go" and no longer needed either the meds or the counselor.

And for the last four years, I've done well without them...no thanks to me. God does look out for babes and fools, :-)

Now, almost four years since my last session, I thank God for allowing someone (the counselor) and something (the meds) to be there for me.

However, I can't help but to think how quickly the Lord could have taken care of this if I had believed. One, believed I was worthy to be "fixed." Two, believed the Lord had the power to heal me.

Sometimes when I look back, I almost can't recognize the person I was because my life - my thoughts, my actions, my self-esteem - are so over-the-moon better than they were then.

But looking back with my new eyes, my heart, new mind, and new spirit; I can appreciate what God got me through despite my ignorance of him and his powers. I also can stand even more firmly on my beliefs that God and his Son are constantly there for me, and if I reach out and believe and ask, I can be healed and made well.