...Plain Upon Tablets

Last week, I was in woest me mode to the Nth degree. I was so sure my creativity was dead and then several people - to include professors, fellows, friends, and family - reassured me that it wasn't dead. In fact, not only was my literary creativity being nurtured to resurrect later, but also my academic creativity was in full swing. I never looked at what I'm doing now, that is being a doctoral student, as something creative because creativity for me was storytelling. Throughout my woest me mode, I talked to God a lot. I kept reassuring him that my whining would cease, that I was going to pull out of this, that I knew this was just a bump in the road and I could always get up from the fall, dust myself off, and keep on, keeping on. I could hear him laugh; he already knew this and more. He wanted me to move from thinking about getting better to actually doing better. I don't think it was a coincidence that I played Mary Mary's song " Get Up " nearly on repea...

"If you believe, you will receive…" (Matthew 21:22, NIV) It's short and to the point, but it's effective. What's important to remember about this verse is what's not stated, what's hidden within that comma between believe and you . I liken this verse to another one of my faves that is also short and sweet: "...faith without works is dead." (James 2:20, NKJ) You saying, "I believe" is not all that's involved in truly believing. When you believe, your mindset changes. If you truly believe that you'll get that job or be accepted to that university or will be published, then that belief infiltrates your mind, your thoughts, and your actions. You begin to not only believe, but to think the belief is true... now ! You'll start putting forth the action that will guide you to the fruition of your belief. So in the end, if you believe -- and make your mind and actions coincide with that belief -- you will, in fact, RECEIV...

I'm a bit bitter these days. A little salty. A smidgen of angry. Why? Because Creativity is dead. Well, at least for me. Why? One word: school. This doctoral program is a full-time job. It can take upwards of 40 hours a week (more once you start researching for papers and projects beyond the required "in class" work) to do all the reading and preparing to be brilliant in the classroom. And it's not a 9 to 5 job where you do work that doesn't tax your mind, therefore, leaving you feeling energetic and refreshed and ready to conquer the world creatively. Oftentimes, in fact, I'm mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted and want nothing to do but some mindless activity or sleep (which is a rarity in itself). This is not me complaining, mind you. I accept what is necessary to do. As I've stated numerous times throughout this blog, it was my destiny to be here, and because of my pact with God, I'm in it to win it. That being said, it doe...

"And whosever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:27 (KJV) The Message version of the Bible offers this translation: "One day when large groups of people were walking along with him, Jesus turned and told them, "Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one's own self!—can't be my disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple." I read this verse, and it strikes me, hard, right in the middle of my chest. It's one of the moments in a life in which there is a major decision to make, and it's a decision that will change your life completely. It is a directive that's not for the faint of heart. It's a directive, that if taken, means you know that there is something greater than everyone in your life, that there is something even far more greater than you, and because of this...

A year ago today, I couldn't see anything positive in my life. I was another year older, I was in a job that would end within a year's time, my writing (it seemed) was still going nowhere, I was ready to branch off on my own again but didn't have the means to do it, I was thinking about pursuing my Ph.D. (and had every notion TO apply); but was worried about if I would get in, and a host of other negative issues. To top the negative pile off, Hurricane Ike decided to pop in around 1 a.m. on September 13th, blackening our home and leaving us without electricity for several days. To say I was miserable would be an understatement. It was hard for me then to realize that everything would come to pass and that I would be OK. A year later, I am OK. I'm actually more than OK. I'm BLESSED beyond measure. Through God's grace and his strength permeating through me, I kept moving - one foot in front of the other - until I walked out of that hurricane, I walked out of my j...

Life these days is hectic, fast-paced, blurred, awesome, worrisome...and many, many more adjectives. Since school started on August 27th, I have been chained to words, a plethora of words on philosophy, technology, writing, and all these words swirl in my mind in a harried pace, and most of the time, I am unable to capture the significant points of these words to make meaning. It is a daunting task. At least three times I told myself I wasn't cut out for this, and one time last week, I actually thought about bolting from a classroom as my eyes blurred with pending tears, my heart raced, and my mind whispered, "You're not smart enough to be here." And for the first time since I've moved, I had the ache of loneliness. That day, the day I almost ran from class, packed my bags, and hightailed it out of Lubbock, I got home and realized there were no siblings to crack a joke to make me laugh. There was no hug to chase a frown away. There was no "Come on now. You go...

"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." (Hebrews 4:16, NLT) Yep. Life is hard. Damn hard. And the more you get on God's side, the harder it will be in some ways. Despite that, it's important that we look up and speak out to him, even if we're as down as we can go. The woman with the issue of blood didn't care what anyone thought of her as she reached out to the Lord and neither should we. If we need grace, if we need help, if we need a hug, a word of assurance, a love that surpasses all understanding, God can give it to us. As long as we come boldly.